John Chrysostom was a priest saint from about 1600 years ago. The fact that he was a priest and from a long time ago may give us the idea that he knew nothing about how to charm the lady.
“Back then”, we are told, “women just swept the house all day. And priests? What do they know about relationships?”
This week I’ve had to read a lot of Chrysostom and found some interesting thoughts. I’ve filtered through some of his relationship etiquette so you can judge for yourselves.
1. Don’t be annoyed by her complaints; she loves you…her complaints come from her fervent affection for you, and from fear.
Complaining is probably the number one complaint men can have about a relationship and yet the priest-guy is saying we need to stop complaining about the complaints. Complaints from the ladies directed towards us may or may not be well founded; but before judging which they are, it’s good to try to understand where they are coming from. Is it, perhaps, rooted in affection but expressed in the wrong way? Is it from fear of losing you that she complains of you being distracted and non-present? Let me know what you find out.
2. Nor reproach her for lacking things over which she has no control.
Chrysostom talks about beauty here. Interesting fact, some of the ugliest men in this world have the highest standards of beauty. And all guys love beauty, some a little too much for their own good.
However, there is a beauty over which a woman has control and there is another over which they don’t. Don’t hold it against a woman that she’s not an inch taller or her natural hair isn’t a shade lighter, or she doesn’t have larger…you get the idea. Focus aspects in which she does have control, be they apparent or inner ways of being gorgeous.
3. If you must give her advice, always begin by telling her how much you love her.
This would most likely end up in a lot of lovin’ for the day for those of us who routinely give advice.
I really love you sweetie with all my heart and I want to say that if you forget about your boss after work hours you may be a little happier. Something like that, I guess.
In some situations you can jump straight into the exclamatory mood, like if you see her about to mix bleach and vinegar in the kitchen sink: “Stop!” Generally, though, try to put some lovin’ before the advice. Inconvenient, I know, but maybe the inconvenience of it would just make us want to stop giving advice altogether, which isn’t all bad either. Some people just need to make their mistakes.
4. He should never believe any accusation he hears from a 3rd party.
This is just common sense but in matters of love or even just dating few things make sense. Don’t let what people say become the major influence on whether you begin or continue a relationship with someone. Unless she’s on the FBI wanted list, she deserves a fresh, clean shot at making a good impression.
5. Never call her by her name alone, but with terms of endearment, honor and love.
Use those terms of endearment! In the past, terms of endearment were something of a pain and came out like, “My Own Hearts Root, I enjoyed the evening with you” or “Sweet desire of my aspirations, text me when you get home.”
Now, however, much of them are mono or di-syllabic—babe, love (only UK?), sweetie—leaving no excuse to make an extra effort in addressing someone with a little more tenderness. Apparently one in six men also refer to their spouse as “the boss”. I personally advice against that genre unless, of course, you really want another boss.
St. John Chrysostom and women. I would never have guessed. Let’s try out at least one of his advices. Have men and women changed much in 1600 years or is it still the same things make a relationship work?