Everyone who is using online dating becomes a messenger. By messenger I mean someone who sends messages and probably lots of them. While I prefer a phone call to a message any day, it is not always possible to do that until a minimum degree of trust is established; thus, the need for messaging.
At some point in messaging people, you may find yourself extending a feed over several days. It drags on and this other person still has not shown any interest in exchanging info or meeting in person. There could be several reason for this:

A girl may want to vet a guy and try and make sure he isn’t a scam.

A guy may be speaking to several people but can’t decide whom he wants to meet up with.

A guy or a young lady may just be lonely and enjoy having someone to chat with.

Whatever someone’s reason for messaging a lot and never meeting up, there comes a time when you are sending just too many messages and your time is better invested elsewhere. How do you know if you are outgrowing your message feed with your new online crush? Here are a few straightforward signs:


Your life stories and struggles are things you should share in person. Honestly, in most online dating sites you do not even know for sure if there is a real person on the other side of the profile or if that person is in any way how you are imagining them to be. In the meantime, you are telling them about that personal, emotional time you lost your job and broke up with your boyfriend on the same day and you and your iguana Ajax drove across the nation for a fresh start and you got a new job working construction and worked your way up to co-owner. That is way too much sharing for someone you have not actually met yet, I do not care how intriguing they are on the message feed.


You have a life, an awesome one with a lot of stuff to do. Yes, you may have a few moments here and there to slip in a message and we all take our phones to the bathroom to make good use of the time. However, it isn’t a question of time investment. It is question of emotional energy, mental focus and thinking about someone and how to respond to them. Phone conversations and dates on the other hand are discrete – they last an hour and then they are over. If you are messaging for more than a few days without meeting up you are probably dropping too much of your time in the virtual. Spend more time in the real world.


He did not respond to my last message. She suddenly said she found someone else. If this brings your mood down you have probably invested too much of your time and energy into a message feed. You have built a relationship with someone who has absolutely no commitment to you; and then they are gone. That can be confusing and disappointing. Do not put yourself in that position, keep message investments minimal.

To conclude, before you pick up your phone again, check your messaging habits. If you have built a 19 centimeter feed with someone you have not met yet you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. Do not become that person (and there are many of them) who online dates on a daily basis without ever going on a date. If someone is not ready to meet you or give you their number after a dozen exchanges most likely they will not be ready even after a hundred.

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About the Author

John Antonio

mm Johnny is an 80’s kid keeping analog values alive in a digital world. A committed outdoorsman, he enjoys art walks, pool parties, and talking about how cool it would be to go camping.

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