If you’re anything like me, the idea of meeting someone new makes you want to turn and run. Sure, I like to chat and I enjoy a good dinner…but I hate being in the spotlight. Can I call in sick for a first date?
The truth is, I’m awkward. Words don’t come easily when I’m the center of attention. My voice starts to quiver and I’m too aware of my hands. I’m not even sure where to look. I may have gone cross-eyed before, trying to decide where to stare while my date talks. I’m so worried about saying the wrong thing that I even develop an annoying stutter.
Sound familiar? The good news is, you’re completely normal. The first date holds a lot of suspense and an enormous amount of pressure. It’s bound to cause a bit of anxiety, even for the most extroverted date.
Will he like me? What will we talk about? Will he make me feel uncomfortable? How will I bail if I’m not having a good time? There’s no doubt your mind is swirling with anxieties as you prepare to meet a new interest.
Can I let you in on a little secret? The chances that you’ll blow it are very slim. Be your amazing self and you are sure to have a good time, even if you and your date don’t exactly “click”.
If you’re still concerned about putting your foot in your mouth, here’s a handy cheat sheet for all of the topics you should avoid on a first date. Let’s call it a no-go list. You may cover many of these talking points in future dates, once you’ve developed a sense of trust.
For now, it’s best to focus on the positive and keep your conversation light. After all, you’re just getting to know each other.
…I Hate My Body
If there’s one thing that men can agree on, it’s that confidence is a huge turn-on. A joyful and self-assured heart is just as attractive as a tanned and toned bod.
We all have our insecurities, but instead of focusing on the things you dislike about your body, try talking up your positive features. Just don’t go overboard. If you talk exclusively about yourself during the date, your date is likely to feel a bit put-off.
Try Saying: “I’m pretty proud of my figure. I work hard to stay fit!” OR “I love my eyes because they remind me of my mom.”
Are You Planning on Paying for This?
It’s not uncommon for a man to foot the bill on a first date, but it should never be expected. Times are changing and gender roles have been redefined.
Men and women have recently achieved a new level of equality and it may not even occur to your date that he should pay your way. In short, plan to go Dutch. If he insists on covering the bill, make sure to thank him!
Try Saying: “I’m buying!” Some men will politely refuse and some will be impressed with your forwardness. There’s the odd few that will be offended. Call an Uber and send those guys home!
I’m On My Period
Yikes! It should go without saying that bodily functions are OFF THE TABLE on the first date. You don’t want to hear about your date’s weird rash or his flatulence problem. Likewise, he may feel uncomfortable if you bring up your monthlies.
If you’re expecting a crimson wave to crash your date, be sure to come prepared. You can always excuse yourself to the bathroom to pop a Pamprin if you’re feeling uncomfortable.
Try Saying: “I’m just going to run to the restroom while we wait for our food.” This one simple phrase can give you a moment of relief from just about anything, including your menstrual cramps…and even your date, if need be!
My Ex Always Says…
In the infamous words of Princess Elsa, “Let it go, let it go!” I get it; old habits are hard to break. If you’re coming out of a long-term relationship, your ex may still be on your mind.
You may be in a time of transition, but this date is an opportunity to meet someone new: someone who may compliment you in ways you never dreamed possible.
So, take a moment and push your past aside. Jump into this new adventure with two feet!
Try Saying: “I have a friend who says…” OR “I’ve heard…” Taking your ex-boyfriend out of the situation will lighten the mood and open you up to a new experience.
I Want to Get Married ASAP!
Whoa girl! Let’s slow it down a bit. If you have a five-year plan, more power to you…but there’s no need to share it on a first date.
Enforcing your personal timeline on someone else is never a good idea. It creates an atmosphere of pressure that can stifle a budding relationship. In this case, it’s likely to kill your vibe before it has a chance to get started.
Maybe your date is still recovering from a long-term relationship and needs to approach things with caution. Maybe he has his own timeline to consider. Just sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. You’ll have time to discuss next steps on future dates.
Try Saying: “I’d like to have a family someday.” Your date will get the message that you’re discerning marriage, but won’t feel rushed to get hitched.
I Only Date Tall Guys, but I Thought I’d Make an Exception
Let’s take a minute to consider the opposite sex. Guys have feelings too! That includes joys, fears, insecurities and anxieties.
Some girls think guys are strong enough to bounce back from a blatant insult, but let’s be real — assaulting a man’s physical appearance is beyond rude. It’s just plain shallow and mean.
You would be horrified if your date made a similar comment about your weight. Am I right? Take a walk in your date’s socks and consider how your words will make him feel.
Try Saying: Just don’t go there. There’s no reason to comment on your date’s height, weight, facial hair, or (ahem) package. We’ll just go ahead and add this to the “no-go” list.
Who Was That Girl in Your Facebook Photo Last Week?
I think we’re all guilty of a little pre-date Facebook stalking. It’s a great way to get a snapshot of someone’s interests and personalities! Feel free to stalk, but don’t mention it to your date.
Not only does it comes off as a bit creepy, statements like these also send the message that you have a jealous streak. Nothing says “crazy” more than an over-controlling, suspicious girlfriend. You’ll have your date running in the opposite direction.
Try Saying: “What do you like doing in your free time?” You’ll get to know him a bit better and he might open up about the people he likes to hang out with.
Woah, That Guy is Really Cute
Guys get a bad rep when it comes to infidelity. Girls are just as likely to cheat, and if you already have your eyes on other guys, things don’t look promising for your future relationship.
Your date is not likely to invest any additional time in you if he feels like you’re not ready to be exclusive. Reserve the playful banter for your girlfriends, or do away with it entirely.
Try Saying: “I love your shirt.” OR “You have really nice eyes.” Notice your date’s positive qualities and point them out. Everyone enjoys a sincere compliment.
I Kinda, Sort of…Um…
Once again, confidence is the key to captivating your date. It’s normal to feel nervous and yes, even to stutter. Here are some tips for appearing self-assured, even when you’re feeling a little weak in the knees.
- Practice deep breathing immediately before your date. A few calming breaths will help to lower your blood pressure and give you a sense of peace.
- Own your interests and successes. Don’t be shy. Your date wants to get to know the real you. Whether you’re a gamer or a third-degree black belt or an award-winning baker…share your accomplishments with pride!
- Smile. Even if you’re feeling uneasy, a smile can trick your brain into thinking that everything is A-OK. This is one of those fake-it-until-you-make-it scenarios. Put on a smile and the cheerful feelings will follow.
Try Saying: “I love playing guitar. I’m still learning, but I enjoy playing for my friends and family.” Express yourself honestly. Your date will love your openness and willingness to share.
I Can’t Believe You’re Eating That Poor Cow
Vegans have a reputation for being judgmental of those who don’t share their views, but there are many ideologies that are just as controversial. Catholics in general are often labeled as intolerant and overly critical.
As a rule, it’s best to avoid discussing controversial personal convictions on a first date. At the very least, don’t force them on your interest. If he brings up a controversial topic, explain your view honestly and gently. It’s best not to pick a fight with someone you’ve just met.
Try Saying: “I side with the Church when it comes to gay marriage, but my heart goes out to everyone dealing with same sex attraction. I can’t imagine facing that struggle.”
So…what’s your salary?
Can you say gold-digger?
This comment is not only rude, but it’s also insensitive. Even single men feel immense pressure to provide. Many feel that their worth is tied to their salary. Bringing it up will likely make your date feel like a deer in the headlights.
He will no doubt wonder what your motives are, and he may feel anxious about whether or not you will approve of his fiscal worth. Everyone wants to be loved, not used like a resource.
Feel free to talk about his career, his goals, his motivations…but leave the salary discussion for another time.
Try Saying: “What do you do for a living?”
How Many Girls Have You Slept With?
So, I’m what you would call a Millennial (read: not that old), but I remember a time when sex was off the table until at least the third date.
The reality is, sex is now a common topic of conversation, even before you go out together. In fact, it is often expected on the first date. Yikes.
Don’t be afraid to let your date know that you’re the type to approach sex lightly. It’s ok to make your stance clear from the beginning to avoid any blurred lines.
Besides that, the first date is not the best time to delve into the depths of your date’s sex life. Without an established bond of trust, your date is likely to feel attacked and may lie in self-defense.
