Dear Michele,People used to actually talk over the phone to make plans to get together. Now a days, everyone wants to text more than talk, even after going out for three dates and it really feels that there is a connection. Should I take texting to mean someone is not that interested? Or at least interested in talking to me? Or, maybe I am wrong with my perception?
Thank you! Sincerely….
tired of texting
Dear Tired of Texting,
We have entered new era of how to communicate. But texting has become more than that, it is now a way to connect. It used to be texting was for setting up dates or sending quick messages, but now people are having entire conversations over text.
A word on perception. Today, it is totally normal to text instead of call. The time to dial your voicemail, wait for the message, delete the message, has now been replaced with a 3 second glace at your phone. It’s quick and convenient. It is not a statement about the status of your relationship – at least not yet. I’ve been married for 6 years and I frequently text my husband with short messages to coordinate life’s details. (Of course, NEVER text while driving.)
When is texting a problem? When it becomes the way to discuss important issues. A good rule of thumb: never put negative emotion into a text. If there is a difficult subject to discuss, or an apology is needed, texting is not the place. A long, dramatic text has a lot of opportunity for misunderstanding. Do people use it in place of making an emotional connection, or to avoid conversation? Yes. Is it good for a relationship to be used that way? No.
So in terms of coordinating dates, think of it as quick smile or glance, a way to stay “I’m thinking of you and want to know when we’re going to get together again.” Can it become one of those annoying realities of modern life? Sure, but as long as texting is used to connect rather than avoid, it can be one more way to help build a secure attachment.
Hope that helps!
God Bless,
Michele Fleming, M.A.
