Dear Michele, I am feeling disheartened tonight. I am in my forties and I have not yet found my special someone. I have been praying over 10 years now to meet him. I have had dates but nothing seems to work out. I am trying to hold on to faith, but it is getting much more difficult. I try to fight feeling that “something must be wrong with me”. My friends tell me that nothing is wrong with me. I find it hard to attend weddings anymore. I am often tempted with the feeling that I have been forgotten by God. Sometimes the pain is so great that I feel despairing. It is even hard to pray at times. I want to hold on to hope……but find it so difficult as more time passes. Can you please help me find foothold for faith / hope or providing any other helpful thoughts would be appreciated.
Signed,
SS
Dear SS,
I can hear how your heart is aching and know that you are not alone in your pain. Many singles of all ages feel the same way, but it does get especially more difficult the longer we are waiting. During difficult times it is very easy to feel that God has forgotten you. I have felt that way myself when my plans were not working out on my timeline and I saw others around me blessed by what I so desperately wanted. Sometimes the advice to “trust in God” is well meaning, but very difficult to follow. Instead, I will tell you that no matter how you feel, God has promised to “never forsake or abandon you.” (Hebrews 13:6).
It is possible that went you can’t feel God, when you are not getting any answers, when you feel alone, God is preparing you for the next level of work that he needs you to do in his kingdom. Is there something on your heart that you’ve been wanting to do, but feel like you have to “wait” until you get married? Or, if you follow your dreams, you may not meet someone? Maybe it’s go back to school, or serve as a missionary, or simply start a singles group at your parish. Maybe it’s to reconcile a relationship with a relative, or volunteer at a local hospital or shelter. I don’t know, only you can know that calling on your heart. If you can’t hear his voice, spend some quiet time in prayer or adoration and ask the Lord to show you what else you can be doing “in the meantime.”
Here’s a thought that can greatly impact you: what if you never get married? Terrible thought, I know, but imagine you are 80 years old and never marry, are you going to be miserable between now and then? Decide that answer is no! Start building that life now, filled with the dreams of your heart.
You are feeling “what’s wrong with me?” It’s possible that something is very “right” with you – you have made good decisions not to marry or get involved with someone who would have caused more pain and suffering. You may have avoided a painful breakup or divorce. Why are you still single? Because you may be called to a plan that includes more than your vision, not less! God may be calling you for a special purpose, one only he and you may know. He may be asking you to remain single so you have the time to reach out to others in need. He may need you to first bring peace into your own family. He may need you to wait while he prepares your mate. He may be calling you to be more at peace with yourself, or to work through painful memories from a past experience so you are better prepared for your future marriage. Whatever he is calling you to do, the efforts you make now to sacrifice your own desires, look inward for strength, move toward reconciliation, and strive for something bigger than yourself will build skills that you will need for a successful marriage.
See what the Psalmist says in Chapter 13:2-3: “How long, Lord? Will you utterly forget me? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I carry sorrow in my soul, grief in my heart day after day? “ And God’s response in Psalm 91:14-16: “Whoever clings to me I will deliver; who ever knows my name I will set on high. All who call on me, I will answer. I will be with them in distress; I will deliver them and give them honor. With LENGTH OF DAYS I will satisfy them and show them my saving power.” God does not promise to remove every painful situation from us, because we would never grow. We would never learn to trust. This may be a test of your faith. Remember that God promises to satisfy us, it just may be through relationship with him first before through relationship with others.
May God bless you on your journey,
Michele
