Hi Michele,
I recently became a member of Catholic Singles because I am hoping to have better luck with dating since this website shares my Catholic values. I haven’t really dated much, if any, and am not sure where to even begin. I have sent “smiles” to guys I am interested in, but haven’t received a response back from any of them. I am an overweight woman who has struggled with body image for most of my life. I feel like men take one look at my picture and pass me over. I know that beauty is not everything, but what can I do to make myself shine?
Signed,
Dating Advice Needed: How to Look my Best
Dear Best,
Thank you so much for your honesty and openness. In your short letter, your maturity and authenticity “shines.” I do believe that the right guy will be able to see the same thing.
It is sad that we must recognize that our culture is very focused on a narrow view of beauty. I must admit that online dating likely makes the situation even more pronounced because men don’t get a chance to meet you in person first. But, that doesn’t mean you can’t shine. Make sure your profile picture is one of your best. You should look relaxed and natural. You may want to consider posting additional photos of you doing some of the things you love, if it’s helping others or being outdoors. I think your confidence will naturally show through in the answers to the questions in your profile. Consider focusing on your personality and values as much as what you like to do or not do. Make sure the “type” of guy you are looking for is also not too narrow, consider being open to different ages or ethnicities than your own. If you haven’t received much feedback from men on the site, your preferences may be too narrow. The great thing about dating on this site is you can target men of faith and cast a wider net beyond your own social circle, town, or even country!
If you believe that your weight may be a contributing factor to current or future health concerns, then I urge you to address it with your doctor. There are likely both physical and emotional elements to your struggle. Talking with a therapist that specializes in the area, or working with a company or program that provides a lot of individual support may also be an avenue for you. If there is anything in your past that needs to be addressed that may be affecting your weight or preventing you from dating as much as you would like, I urge you to address it now. You have the freedom and time to focus on your own growth, which will allow you to attract men who want to do the same. Getting yourself “tuned-up” now will only help to foster a more solid relationship later.
Good luck in your journey, and remember that there is always enough time to find the right one.
God Bless,
Michele Fleming, M.A.
