Dear Michele,
I have a very clear picture of what I want my future marriage and family to look like. Well, I don’t mean “look” in terms of beauty, I mean that I know I will want to be a full time mom. Is that too much to ask? I don’t care too much about what a potential husband does for a living, as long as he could support me to stay home with any future children. I’m working now and have a college education and a great career I enjoy. I can contribute savings and investments to the marriage, I just don’t want to work when I have children, at least not until they go to elementary school and then maybe something part time. Does this make me a gold digger?
Signed,
Am I A Gold Digger?
Dear Gold Digger,
So who is telling you that you shouldn’t want to stay home with your children? Is it your voice or someone else in your life? I know as women we can get caught up in the “self actualization” belief that earning lots of money is somehow more important, more self-important than forming the next generation. If you want to stay at home with your children, don’t apologize to anyone. It sounds to me like you are living to your values.
What does this mean for your dating life? It makes sense that you are looking for someone to provide, but remember, people of all economic classes make decisions to stay home with their children. You don’t have to make a certain dollar amount to commit to valuing your family. Knowing how to live beneath your means and prioritizing how you spend your money are just as important as how much money you make. Being a good steward of the financial blessings you have been given is our calling as Christians.
My suggestion would be to try to start saving what you would need to live on for every year that you want to stay home. It’s not something you need to tell every date you have, but once you become serious with someone, you can tell him how well you have planned for your future as a family. I want to commend you for recognizing that you may still need to contribute, because we never know the future. There are thousands of women who want to stay at home with their children but truly can’t, so preparing now is the best gift you can give yourself and your future family.
You are not a gold digger. You are a smart woman. Just stay focused on your values and don’t worry too much about the dollar figure. When you find the right man, he will likely share your desire to have his wife at home with the children, while at the same time respect the fact that you are able to contribute if you need to. In my view, you have “actualized” the dream of the women’s movement. You have the freedom, and the ability, to make a choice that fits all of who you are as a woman.
God Bless,
Michele Fleming, M.A.
