“How can I find someone amazing?” I hear that question a couple times a month from a client or chat session.
If I had an easy formula for finding amazing people I’d probably be on Forbes, own a mega-dating network called “Amazing Matches”, or at least be pretty amazing myself. I don’t have that formula, but I do have a plan.
Earlier in the year I had a working lunch with a friend. We knew each other pretty well, because, as friends do, we every so often spilled out our dreams, why-me frustrations and blind date excitement. That lunch should have been just another one of those times.
Something was different. She had always been undeniably cute, but the moment we got our table I was sitting across from a girl who had become extremely attractive. It was something more than looks or the Eau de Parfum I never seemed to have noticed before. She began explaining away a solution to a project I had been working on for weeks; she provided insight to an experience I’d had; and over the next hour I was thinking, “Wow, this girl is an amazing person”.
It took me several years of friendship to get there, but I realized that here was someone knitted into my life fabric who was much more than a “very cool friend”. Here was someone who was simply an amazing person whether we remained great friends or took over the world together.
Most of us, in looking for someone, want to be hit over the head with awesomeness after the first encounter. Amazing people, however, are slowly discovered and it will take more than their Facebook profile for you to unbury them. You need a plan.
First, make a patient effort to see amazingness. You don’t need to live in Manhattan or Paris to find someone interesting. Most likely there are people in your own town, county, or social circle who are truly amazing but are just incapable of showing it over a single cup of coffee. It may actually take a dozen lunches, and more than one dinner to find out.
There’s a little of Divine Justice at play here. I think it unlikely that God will send more amazing people into your life when you haven’t really gotten to know those around you. At least God only sent Adam one person at a time.
Second, take a little chance on potentially amazing people. If you’re in doubt, go ahead and have that drink. Not going to happen? At least try to talk to that office mate once in a while or turn that vague acquaintance into a friend. Unless you’ve been sharing crayons since kindergarten, you probably haven’t spent enough time together and are only seeing about 8% of how amazing each of you could become.
Finally, help people to become amazing. Encourage greatness, don’t compete with it. Say, “That’s very interesting, tell me more,” when they bring up their plan to end a recession with rain barrels.
Eventually, after a few years, you’ll find yourself surrounded with people who are doing things that nobody else in this franchised world is doing. I’m still not exactly sure how it works, but I know that if you’re surrounded with these amazing people you’re much more likely to meet someone amazing for yourself.
The chances of an out-of-this-world person parachuting into your little society, sharing your goals and suddenly wanting to go to the ends of the earth with you are very slim. The odds are much greater that one of those “simply cool” guy or girl friends in your life has absolutely amazing potential.
