How Much Time To Spend On A Date

How Much Time To Spend On A Date

“A man who is truly interested in a woman will find an endless number of ways to spend time with her.”
That quote came across my Facebook feed today. It is a beautiful quote. It is also a quote meant for married men, not dating men.

Giving someone all your time at the beginning or even in the middle of a relationship is a bad idea. From a practical perspective it is barely feasible. If you give all your time to every person you find yourself interested in spending time with you will run out of time really fast. “Being interested in someone” does not merit going out of your way to spend time with them. Doing so, you will probably also end up in the friend zone anyway because that’s what friends do, not dating couples.

Time is valuable. And unless you are God you can not afford to invest it in a relationship where there is no verified commitment. We would all like to fall in love quickly and spend all our time with someone we care about. That is what God did with Adam and Eve. Give them paradise from day one. Adam and Eve proved, however, that human beings have a crippled sense of appreciation. They traded it all for an apple. We never appreciate things that are given to us. We do appreciate the things we need to work for. Now we need to work for paradise.

If someone has proved to you through actions, words, and commitment that they are deserving of consistently spending time with you then great. Otherwise, you are risking dating burnout. Investing your time and emotions with people who from one day to the next could disappear on you (not to be negative, just realistic) is the flour in the chocolate-burnout-cake recipe. If you want to spare yourself the pain, stay fresh, and also not have that date not end up in a chum-like companionship, try these time-based practices:

Stop hanging out every day.

Stop talking all night to share your life story on the first date.

Stop clearing your schedule to spend time with someone.

Start living your life and treat a dating relationship for what it is: a little seedling that needs a little water and sunshine now and then to grow. It does not need a live classical music concert. Maybe it will grow into something big and beautiful, maybe it will die. You do not know yet, so do not overinvest one of the most precious, irreplaceable gifts you have on this planet – time.

In a survey I recently did of over 100 Catholic young adults, “How much time we should spend together” was rated as the most confusing aspect of a dating. The answer is simple: not much, especially at the beginning. And if you find yourself looking for “an endless number of ways” to spend time with someone, sounds to me like you are married, not dating.