Good manners are all the rage now. Any man who has scrolled across a few dating profiles will see that most women are looking for a guy who is chivalrous, polite etc. My Catholic dating blog feed is diluted with tales of how reviving that lost art of being a gentleman will somehow make me the best thing since yoga pants in the world of millennial women.
I am not jumping on the chivalry wagon. I am not going to adopt good manners because it is what women want. Next thing you know they will want us to become proficient in Argentine Tango. I do practice good manners but just not in hopes of making myself more marketable or attractive to the opposite sex. I do not seriously think good manners will help me start a relationship but I do believe it is what keeps a relationship together.
MANNERS KEEP THE RESPECT ALIVE
No matter whom a guy dates or goes out with or how attractive that young lady is, at one point in his relationship he will become frustrated, annoyed, or indifferent with her. It happens to everyone. The moment will come when she will text during his favorite movie, get on his nerves and he will not want to do anything for her. His favor bank will be empty. So what happens? Does the respect just die until he can get it back together? Not if the couple has the habit of good manners. Good manners means you still open the door for her, walk between her and the street, and pull her chair out for her. That is because manners do not rely on love. He may not feel the love but he can still have good manners.
MANNERS RE-ESTABLISHES COMMUNICATION
Manners are habits that also keep the communication line open. It is hard for men to communicate on good days. It is impossible on bad days. Manners, however, keep him in touch in a relationship. He still talks at dinner-time because it is the polite thing to do. He does not play the silent treatment because that is the impolite thing to do. Sure it may be small talk or even sports talk. At least it is talk.
He will always ask how she is doing when he has not seen her all day because that is good manners. Without the habit of manners the couple starts from zero each time they go through a bad day. With manners at least the communication is open, the couple stays in touch and at the very least are civil with each other. That is better than starting over.
GOOD MANNERS NEED TO START NOW
Be polite on a first date but not to wow her with your chivalry. Do so because the manners on the first date set the style for the rest of the potential relationship. If a couple shares bad manners from the beginning, then they most likely will not find a reason to change things down the line. “Sooo, I like you and it seems like we have potential. Let’s start being nicer.” You cannot suddenly institute a good manner policy once you discover that there may be something there. Manners take time to build into a habit.
Call it chivalry or manners, always have it; but think bigger than just making a good impression.
