Catholic Singles

WISHING YOU WERE HERE
BY: MARK ANTHONY ROSOLOWSKI

You died much too young, you left so much undone, a life story that ended too abruptly. I wish you were here to finish your story.

I wake up in the morning, your side of the bed left untouched, after all this time; I still stay on my half. The blankets on your side remain unmoved. I lay my hand on your side and feel how cold your side of the bed remains. I think back to our first nights together, we both wanted the same side, I relented, letting you have that side, it really made no difference to me, just was glad you would be therewith me. I look at the bed wishing you were here.

I get out of bed walk to the bathroom, while taking a shower, I remember how you would rush me in the mornings, I purposely went slow, knowing if it took too long you would get in the shower with me, we would embrace, enjoying a stolen moment together. Later as you got sick, I would help you into the tub and I would bathe you. It hurts to remember this, but how I loved you. I think to the night we were both frustrated, we argued, I left you in the tub and went to the living room. After a while you called you wanted to get out of the tub the water was cold. I walked in and intended to just put some hot water into the tub, as I reached across, you grabbed me and pulled me into the tub, as I laid there fully dressed we laughed, kissed and hugged. We knew the frustration was due to your illness and we had to get the anger out, but we never stopped loving each other, or caring for each other. How I am wishing you were here.

I walk to the kitchen, get breakfast. I just grab a bagel and a cup of tea, which I usually eat and drink in the living room, I hate the kitchen table. A smile forms on my face as I remember the first breakfast you made for me in our first apartment. I survived; as a matter of fact they say charcoal is good for you. As I eat my breakfast, I wish you were here, I know tomorrow I will have burnt bacon and charcoal eggs.

I walk around the apartment, it is so quiet. I am getting use to being alone but I refuse to be lonely. I find things to do just to keep myself busy, if I do enough, time will fly by. This works some days and others the seconds drag by. As funny as it sounds time never went slow when you were with me, it went too fast, why did you have to leave, why didn’t time go slower for us, I sit and I remember the times we had, I am wishing you were here.

I prepare my dinner, it is so hard to cook for just one, and I sit at the table and look across at where you use to sit. I have placed things there so I am not looking at an empty space; your chair was moved so I do not see your empty chair. One day I will move it back and clear off the table, but not yet, I am still wishing you were here.

I sit to watch television; nothing on it is good anymore. The shows we watched together just do not interest me. I remember when we were first married you were a Yankee fan; I got you watching the Mets. You loved the Mets, we never missed watching a game, even the Mets do not interest me, and I just wish you were here.

I go to bed, getting on my side, paying and wishing you were here. As I drift off to sleep I feel you get in on your side. I realize now you are always here with me, you might not be in the physical sense but you are in my heart. You will never leave me. I reposition myself in the bed, more to the middle; maybe tomorrow I will try your side.