Catholic Singles

RENEWED
BY: MARK ANTHONY ROSOLOWSKI

I was finding myself walking through life, I was alone, I was doing the motions of life, but I was not living. Every time someone would come up to me, offer me their arms, invite me to share their life, I would turn them away. I was alone, I was not happy, I no longer deserved to be happy, I did not deserve to be loved.

I was walking alone and then you came walking towards me, a blurry image at first, I strained but I could not focus on you. I heard you talk to me, I could not make out the words but I knew I had to hear more so it would become clear. But, I grew afraid; I felt feelings in me beginning to stir. I turned away, I closed my eyes, covered my ears and I walked away.

I saw other people, friends, I felt safe around this group as I knew we were nothing more than friends. These friends spoke of this person I had seen, they told me to look at her and it would become clear. They urged me to listen with my heart and the words would ring in my ears. They told me to let the wall I built around me to fall so others could enter, so I would no longer be alone.

I agreed with these people and I promised that I would do what they said, but as I left their company I knew I could not do it. You again were in front of me, you were still blurred and out of focus, but you were clearer then before. You spoke to me, the words were still jumbled and made no sense, but my heart grew brighter with each word you said. I cried to myself that I did not deserve this, that I was unworthy and that I was to be alone from this day forward, Yet, I could not get you out of my mind, you came flooding back in as I closed my eyes, your words hung around me, I was afraid and did not know what to do.

The next time I saw you, I saw a beautiful lady, I saw a smile they betrayed the love that was in your heart, and I saw a face that radiated sunshine. I heard your words; my heart responded to those words, it was beating stronger and faster as you spoke to me. My eyes begged to see you again, my ears longed to hear every word that you spoke. I began to dismantle my protective wall, as the wall grew smaller I became stronger, as the last brick was removed I saw you next to me.

I was renewed, I was no longer alone, and I knew I deserved to be loved as well as I knew I was able to love. You were there for me, you taught me that love is a safe place, love is a warm place. You showed me not to be afraid to love, that love comes in many forms. You taught me to trust in what God holds for me, and to slowly walk the path that will lead me to the love I deserve. I am renewed and for this I love you and thank you.