Catholic Singles

RELATIONSHIPS
BY: MARK ANTHONY ROSOLOWSKI

Why are relationships important? Why do we as humans waste so much energy on seeking out a relationship? Why can't we understand that relationships end in pain, regardless if the relationship was good or bad? Why are we always seeking the perfect relationship with the perfect person, why does it always have to be an exact match or fit?

I will look at the last question first, since most if not all are looking for the perfect fit. Every dating site asks questions then using these answers attempt to match you up with someone you are compatible to. They even come up with a compatibility score and give answers that a 50% or better will make a good relationship. The only problem is that those scores are based on a person’s written answers, not verbal and it is sight unseen. That seems to me like buying a suit, sight unseen, giving your measurements and being told there is a 50% chance you will like it and it might fit. I think that in order to find someone you are compatible to you have to throw out all of those questions, and go back to the old fashioned ways, a few dates, talk, look into each others eyes and see it there is a connection. We will never get a custom fit, remember this is an off the rack world and we need to make alterations in what we want and expect in order to get the perfect fit.

Another question I asked was why we seek out new relationships when we know most relationships will end in pain regardless if it was good or bad. I once thought that the death of a spouse was felt more as a loss then a loss through divorce. In my minds eye it seemed to me that when you got divorced you were shedding yourself of a person you did not want anymore and you would be glad that you were rid of them. I have come to find out that even a divorce hurts; it is not so much the same hurt that is experienced in death, for in death the person is gone, but the love lives on inside of you. You ache for the relationship to come back and you know that the other person did not harm you on purpose. In a divorce however you are not only in pain because the relationship is over but you feel that the love you once had is gone as well, which is really two loses not one. But even after the pain of the end of that relationship, we head out to find a new one, we know when it ends we will be hurt but we still look for another to continue our lives with.

I also asked why we humans spend so much energy on finding a relationship, why do we work so hard looking for the right person. Looking at any other species we do not see any look for a partner, a relationship as we humans do. We will put countless hours into a relationship; use a tremendous amount of energy to make a relationship work. We will find ways to make sure that our relationship will be the perfect match and that it will last forever. However, we soon find that there is no such thing as forever; even the best relationship will end one day. The most we can do is to be ourselves in a relationship, not hold back any secrets no matter how painful and most of all let go and God will lead you in the relationship. You do not have to put on a false front, you do not have to work at a relationship, if it was meant to be it will work itself out with little or no effort on your part. If you have to work hard to make a relationship work then it is not with the energy.

Finally the answer as to why relationships are important. Relationships are important because when it is right there is love and when we find love it is a tribute to God. Finding someone to love who loves us back is finding God. Holding someone tight and being held tight is the same as hugging God. It is through God that we are able to love, desire, and want to share our lives with another. It was God who saw that man cannot live without a companion so He made Eve. He took a rib from Adam to create Eve, and it is because of the removal of that rib that a woman clings to the side of a man. God created man and woman so that we do seek out each other that we need each other that we yearn for each other. What a better way to thank God for the love that he bestows on us, that He gives us, that He shows us, then by clinging onto the person He made for us.