Catholic Singles

GAMES
BY: MARK ANTHONY ROSOLOWSKI

A question was asked, "Why do men and women have to lay with the emotional strings of the other?" That question can cause a lot of reaction from men, women and the psychobabble sides. There is no perfectly correct answer. However, I will admit some are “Players”, but for the most part it is because men and women are totally different.

Now, before the feminists out there reading this get angry, I am not saying we are not equals, I agree in every legal aspect men and women should be treated equally. However, in a relationship, the two are never equal; they never were, are not now and never will be.

The reason for this is because, “Men and women are different.” We think differently, we react differently, we see the same thing but we see it differently. A Country song describes that perfectly, in the song it says the woman see a deer and she sees Bambi, a man sees it and he see antlers up on the wall. Same deer at the same time, we see it differently. The psychobabble wants us to think the differences are not true, that men can become more like women, but that is never going to be, it is the basic wiring of the brain.

Men are analytical in their thinking, a woman asks a question and he thinks about an answer, a man asks a question and she feels her answer. Ask a few people the same question about relationships most men will answer “I think” while most women will answer “I feel.” So when asking a question to the other we have to listen to the answer, not only the words, but the thought behind the words as well as the feelings in the words.

Now to get to those that play games, yes they are out there on both sides and either they get pleasure from hurting others, or they are not mature enough for a relationship. Those that are not mature enough are said to have issues, are shy, are depressed or are scared of entering a relationship. It is added that we the ones that are being hurt have to understand them. After they hurt us we are told to delve deeper into the person hurting us as to what is going on in their lives so we can understand them. I have to disagree with that because regardless of the reason they have caused me harm, I am not going back to ask for a repeated beating. It does not matter the reason why the person has caused me pain. I will tell them about the pain that they caused I will forgive them. Then I will move on with my life. If they hurt you because they are shy, depressed, or have issues etc. then they are not mature enough to have a relationship and need to grow so they can move on with life.

Then you do have the ones that are out there to hurt you for their own personal agendas. They want to make another jealous; they feel they are that irresistible or they are what is referred to as a player. These people hurt intentionally and do not care; they see a person of the opposite sex as an opportunity to accomplish their goals. Once again you get the psychobabble that we have to understand where this person is coming from. We must realize that they need help and support. That is all well and good as I support the person who is kicking me, who will give me the support that I need. So as with the person who may hurt unintentionally I will tell this person how they hurt me, then I go forward with my life. If a person loses me I see it as their loss not mine, let them hurt someone else. Maybe one day they will get the message that other people are not here for them to abuse.

The basis for a relationship to work is not so much acting like the other, but it is to communicate. Communication takes three stages, there is the sender, the person talking, the receiver, the person listening and then you have feedback where the receiver replies to what the sender’s message was. If you cannot get this type of dialog started then it is a relationship doomed to failure. So the best way to stop the games is to become proactive, communicate and stop a person as soon as they begin to hurt you in anyway, remember you are too good of a person to be a doormat for an uncaring, selfish person.