Catholic Singles

FOR NOW I WALK ALONE
BY: MARK ANTHONY ROSOLOWSKI


I guess maybe I should acknowledge what many are thinking; yes I am never alone because God is with me. However I am talking about the physical presence of another, so as for now, I walk alone.

First allow me to point out that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. The simple definition of being alone simple means, to be without another person nearby. While being lonely is a feeling of sadness through being without friends or company. So I do have family, friends, and company, but I am without another person nearby.

As we were growing up, most of us thought about, what we would do when we were big. We were all probably going to do the same thing, come and go as we wanted, get our own place, get a new car, go on vacations, have a lot of dates, and have a lot of money. There I think I covered everything and if I missed something you can add your own in, but you get the idea of what I am talking about.

So there I was 19, in college, working, had my (used) car, would go out on (a few) dates. However I was not going on vacations, I found more restrictions on my time due to work and studying and I found I did not have a lot of money.

Through all of this I continued to live at home, there was always someone at home with me, I was very rarely alone. I might have spent most of my time at home in my room studying but there was always the comforting sound of others in the house, even if it was mom yelling down the stairs, "Turn that stereo down." So until I dropped out of college, joined the military and went to boot camp I had never been "alone".

During boot camp I was in an open bay with 70 other men. We did everything as a group, we went to sleeps as a group, woke up as a group, to chow as a group, to school as a group. We were never without another person, it was next to impossible to find a place where you could spend time just thinking and be by yourself> As I left boot camp I still had never really experienced being "alone".

I went to Hospital Corps School, we were in a basic open bay, set up into cubicles with two men per cubical, no door on the cubical, and once again there were at least 60 men on the side of the building I was assigned to. Once again we could sit in our cubical, but you could never say we were alone, there was always someone walking past, sticking their head in to ask a question or just hanging out and studying. At the end of school I was 20 and still had never been "alone".


After school I went home to get married, I was married on December 22. 1979. as we repeated our vows, and exchanged our first kiss and husband and wife, I did not realize that I had never been on my own, that I had never been alone. The only thought that I had was that I would be together forever with her by my side. As time passed it did occur to me that I had never been “alone”.

After 29 years of marriage, my wife, my best friend, died, suddenly I found myself alone for the first time in my life. I was 48 years old and I was alone, I had never experienced being alone before. Yes there were times my wife and I was separated for short periods of time, but that is different, I was “alone”.

As I spent more time, I got use to being alone, I am use to going to bed alone, waking up alone, watching television, eating and going places alone. But, I have vowed to myself not to be lonely. I have discovered a new world of friends and companions. People I can share my dreams with, my happy times and my sad. Yes, for now I am walking alone, God will place someone at my side one day to continue our journey together, I may be alone, but I refuse to be lonely.