Catholic Singles

Hi Father,

I had a question about chastity. It something that I struggle with alot. I find myself lately getting into converstations to try to be friends with men and somehow it degenerating into phone sex or text sex. Is phone sex/text sex a mortal or venial sin?

I'm finding it really difficult to flirt without crossing the line somewhere along the way. Obvisously, I'm not alone when this happens, and I'm having fun making the other person happy. I think I must not be flirting properly, but I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. But the phone/text sex seems to ruin the relationship befpre it starts, and I want to try to prevent that. Do you have any advice on how I can flirt without crossing that line?

Dazed and confused

Dear Dazed...

Thanks so much for the very honest, challenging question that I'm sure is on the minds of a lot of readers.  "Sexting" as the kids call it -(Sex chat/texting provocative messages) seems to be a topic that's growing in concern.  Often times because younger and younger people are participating in the activity.

The concern for the younger generations doing this seems rooted out of concern that they don't know what they're doing.  It's making them flirt/fantasize about things that they're not prepared for.   Some argue it's making them sexually even more immature than they already are because they're "kids" so they say they're just "fooling around". Yet at the same time, the more they "rehearse" these types of things, they're imagining things in their mind and not even beginning to consider, anticipate or realize that there's consequences if they do engage in these activities.

The interesting thing is, those concerns remain valid for adults as well.  The true meaning of sex - the intimate, beautiful, sacred act of love between a husband and wife, is  a complicated thing to begin with.  That our world keeps introducing more and more ways

to simply focus on the pleasurable aspects of sex (and try's to encourage this single-minded focus by coming up with more and more ways to take it away from it's intended, God-giving form) explains why more and more people seem confused, hurt, angry and ultimately -- lonely, after they engage in these types of activities.

I don't know if I could categorize it as mortal or venial in a legalistic definition.  But that in itself reveals a problem, doesnt' it?  Does venial mean "not so bad"?  The goal is to keep away from all sin, simply because it doesn't do anything good for us.  It's like I say to our kids here, how much dog oops! would you like on your living room floor?  The goal is to get rid of all that oops! - because it simply stinks.

Sexting stinks because it devalues sex - and the people who participate in the activity. 

Father Jim