About this site: This site has changed its policies earlier this year for free members by making responding to any member an impossibility without a paid membership. They used to have limited and restricted ability to send a "smile" or "no thank you" but that has changed. Since this site is a business, which means it is a money making venture, one must assume that management has an opinion that they will loose money or an opportunity to make money without these restrictions. Therefore, for the sake of this discussion one must be aware that the "ability" to respond to someone's interest is extremely limited and may not be related to a lack of Christian Charity.
This discussion is relevant for all of us when communicating with others in general but on this site there are some exceptions: Though one may "feel" rejected or being ignored the only certainly we have that we are in fact "rejected" or "ignored" on this site would be if the person we contacted has a paid membership. Presently I only know two ways to determine if any profile is a full member. Number one, they contact me by a smile or letter because presently free members don't have this option.
Second, if a profile has more than one picture then they are certainly a full member. Free members are currently restricted to only have one profile picture. This is a changed policy from earlier this year. Of course a full member may elect to have only one picture but only a full member can have more than one. Thus, multiple profile pictures is proof of a full membership.
On a free weekend normal full membership communication is open to free members. Since I am a free member I must wait until that time to return the kindness of anyone who has visited my profile, sent me a letter or smile. I make an earnest effort to do so. Given that some people on this site have no ability to respond, this blog discusses the choices people use that do have an opportunity to communicate whether on this site or in our normal walks in life.
Although we are all call to love everyone and in fact given the commandment from Jesus to "love on another as He loves them", few people try to love others by following this commandment. Even on this "Catholic" site is it unfortunate that, "people are people", which is much less than the Christian standard which boasts that, "you will know they are Christians by how they love one another".
"People are people" no matter where you find them and that is not a compliment but a warning of caution. It is sad that the simplest and most basic common courtesy is so easily discarded, that the "golden rule: treat other's as you would want to be treated" is almost a myth in practice even in the smallest things such as returning a greeting.
Is it so difficult, or so scary, or so time consuming to say, "Hello" if someone says, "hello" to you? Is it too much to ask a person to respond with a, "Thank you" or "no thank you"? In practice the answer is "yes, it is too hard and too much trouble and too much bother!" A lot of good people can be vary lacking in basic Charity. To all of us I say: "no chain is stronger than its weakest link"!
I understand that for girls who receive dozens and dozens of interests that responding to everyone is a lot of work. Agreed that it is work and time consuming but the obligations of Christian Charity are not diminished by this fact. My solution to girls with these problems are to have standard responses prepared saying: "thank you for your interest. I am interested or I have other interests at this time".
It is prudent to know a person by understanding them in the small things. If a person is kind and giving in little things then there is a basis to expect that with something more important that they may also be just as generous and kind. Conversely, if someone demonstrates a selfish, rude behavior in small things what hope is there that they will be kind and loving when a situation requires time and personal sacrifice on their behalf?
"People will be people" but that is not an excuse. Is there an excuse for not saying "hello" if someone says "hello" to you? What does the "golden rule" say? Yet everyone has stories of being "blown off".
One story I have is a telephone conversation from a girl that I felt had an outstanding profile which showed remarkable devotion to Jesus and Mary. Her compatibility test score showed an extremely high 83% correlation with me. We had had a previous telephone conversation in which we shared a remarkable number of high Christian and Catholic values.
However, there came a point in our conversation that she felt I might not be who she was looking for and the phone conversation ended without notice or any word of good-by. She just stopped talking and that was it. There was no further conversation. She didn't answer the phone again, didn't respond to emails and made no communication whatsoever.
I am always grateful for such experiences. I learned a very long time ago that everything a person thinks, says and does are a reflection of who THEY are. If a person acts cold, callus and rude, one should not take them as a judgment because they are an accurate reflection of who the other person is. The sooner one accepts this fact then the sooner one can recover and move on from other people's non-Christian behavior.
Words and Actions are a person's fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Therefore when a person is rude they show, in honesty, the type of person they are. Recognizing and accepting that truth and knowledge of a lack of virtue and love in another person as proven by their words and actions is vitally important to know if we are to avoid a much larger hurt and sorrow in some future time.
Hurtful words hurts. If a person doesn't get hurt then to that degree they have a problem of defensive isolation from non-forgiveness of a previous hurt. Being ignored or blown off hurts. You will know your heart's openness by your ability to be hurt. Being open is the only state to be in if we hope to receive another's love.
It is human to want to be accepted. The more we want to be accepted and the more we commit and invest ourselves in a person that rejects us the more it will hurt. If you are fully invested in a person without defenses and get completely rejected then it is normal to be completely devastated.
It has been a common error of mine to repeatedly make the same mistake over and over again. It is the mistake of committing my heart and mind in a relationship before it is justified by repeated proof over time by a persons words and actions. Simply speaking I have repeatedly "fallen" for someone by making assumptions of their "good" qualities.
My most common way of falling for someone prematurely usually happens especially after a very long time of not finding anyone who is even in the ballpark of what I was looking for, then I meet someone with whom we share an exciting commonality. However, in such situations my error is always to impose upon this other person other great qualities and virtue they may not or don't possess.
My false reasoning repeatedly is: "if they have this quality or belief then they must have all 'these other' beliefs and qualities too." Wrong! Therefore, one of the best rules I try to apply is: "what you see is what you get". Just because they have some great qualities don't pretend that they have qualities they don't. Don't pretend that they are going to grow or improve and eventually be who you really want them to be. Don't fall in love with a "vision" of who you want them to be.
"People are people" but as Catholics Jesus call us to be more like Him and less human! It is an up and down effort but we must continue to try. Try to remember the "golden rule" by being courteous, thoughtful and generous.
Try to recognize that other people usually reflect who they are and even if their rejections hurt, they have done you a favor by showing their true nature and saved you from much greater possible injury in the future. Forgive them and move on with a free heart open and available for the next person! Look for Biblical Christians: "You will know they are Christians by how they love one another."
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